(via)
Dear Sir or Madam, will you read my book?
It took me years to write, will you take a look?
I will not read your book in a house.
I will not read it with a mouse.
I do not like it here or there.
I do not like it anywhere.
I will not read your book, you see.
I will not read it, author wannabe.
Dear Sir or Madam, will you read my book? It took me years to write, will you take a look?
At least my query is better than this guy. (Hopefully.)